Hello Pondicherry and farewell India

We didn't have the finest introduction to Pondicherry and unfortunately it seemed to set the tone for the trip.

We arrived at the bus station feeling tired and stringy after a flight from Goa and a four-hour bus from Chennai, and as we stepped off the bus there was an overwhelming smell of wee. We went in search of a tuk-tuk and saw a tramp asleep in a pile of wee (presumably his own, although you never know in India).

Pondicherry, affectionately known as "Pondy"and officially called Puducherry, was under French control, with the odd interruption from the British and Dutch, from 1674 to until 1954. Wandering through the old part of town it would be easy to believe you were in France if it weren't for the regular "HONK, HONK!" from mopeds and tuk-tuks.

The French-style old town in Pondy.

This part of town is very pretty but after an hour or two wandering about the tree-lined streets there isn't much more to see or do. So we went in search of the Botanical Gardens from 1826 which sounded lovely in the guide book: "...an oasis on the south-west side of town."

When we arrived the distinct smell of wee returned and we were greeted by a unkempt park with hardly any plants or flowers. Unfinished water fountains were rotting into the ground and empty patches of lands housed welded bits of metal and a broken children's play area. It was very bizarre and a bit sad.

There was a "Joy Train" that did a circuit around the park but the park didn't have much joy to view.

The not so joyful Botanical Gardens in Pondicherry.

I felt even more sad about the gardens when I heard that they were the basis of the zoological gardens in Yann Martel's best-selling novel Life of Pi (2001). When reading this book (like many people, I'm sure), I conjured up images of what the zoo in Pondicherry might look like and it certainly wasn't what I saw at the Botanical Gardens! If you're a Life of Pi enthusiast then please don't make a special visit to Pondicherry to see this park - you will only be disappointed.

After the park we then had the strange experience that is Pondicherry Museum. This houses a random collection of items including old currency, furniture, finds from archaeological digs and historical horse carts. It's all presented really badly in no logical order and everything looks like it needs a good dust. The staff just sit there while the exhibitions rot around them.

There was one room dedicated to types of granite (thrilling, I know!) and the cabinets had obviously been moved at some point and the pieces of granite had all moved around and just been left in disarray in the cabinets for what looked like years.

Luke in Pondicherry Museum with part of the exhibition, or is it an abandoned bit of furniture? Who knows.

It's not all bad in Pondy - it is home to a grand promenade. Although very quiet in the day due to the crippling heat, the promenade on the sea front was an interesting and bustling place at sunset. Lots of families and even the odd couple came out to take a walk in the cooling air and eat from the little stalls which had popped up. It's also worth visiting to see the Gandhi statue (seen with Luke at the top of this blog) which is said to be the largest in the world.

Pondicherry promenade as the suns starting to set.

To get around in Pondy we hired a moped which became a complicated process due to our request for helmets. Basically no one in Pondy wears a helmet - not even the police. It's hard to explain to Indians why we want helmets because they just laugh and say: "It's not law!" To which we reply we value our heads too much not to wear one - said while miming our heads hitting the pavement - which just makes them laugh more.

India's so dangerous I took to wearing my helmet while just walking around.

While in Pondy people kept mentioning a mysterious place called "Auroville" but we couldn't seem to get a definitive answer from people as to what it was. It's only 10km out of town so we decided to hop on the moped and see for ourselves.

Having now been to Auroville twice myself, I'm still not sure what it is. As far as I can tell, Auroville is a commune founded in the 1960s which aims to be a place where "no nation can claim as its own", "all humans are of goodwill" and of "peace, concord and harmony". There's a lot of literature around trying to explain what they are and what they do but after reading it I was still none the wiser.

What is Auroville? I really don't know.

I'm sad I missed this party.

It claims not to be religious but there's a religious feel to a lot of the literature, especially when it talks of Auroville's founder "The Mother" who seems to be a God-like figure to the people who live there.

It's a vast place which is home to 2,305 people who are selected to live in Auroville (they don't just let anyone move in) and presumably bring a fair whack of money with them as the place looks like it would have cost a fortune to build.

One of many expensive looking buildings in Auroville.

Part of their mantra is that "Auroville belongs to nobody" but unfortunately for them it does - in fact half of the land it sits on belongs to the Indian government and presumably its inhabitants are at the mercy of the Indian government in order to obtain their visas (which can be, at best, bureaucratic to get).

At the centre of it all is Matrimandir which was a vision of The Mother as a "symbol of the Divine's answer to man's aspiration for perfection". We had to watch a video in order to be allowed to look at it which got my expectations high but I think it looks just like a giant gold golf ball - and the countryside surrounding it would make a nice golf course!

The Matrimandir at Auroville. A shrine for golf lovers from all over the world!

So there you have it, I didn't go to Auroville and get tempted to join a commune for wealthy hippies... but I think we all knew I'm too cynical for that anyway. One good thing I will say about Auroville is that it has a lovely cafe - really healthy and cheap. It was so good we went back twice.

Pondicherry was the last proper location of our 10-week trip across India which ended with a very brief stay in Chennai to catch our flight to Sri Lanka. No matter how brief, it meant there was still time for one last con...

The man in reception at the airport hotel explicitly told us to only pay our taxi driver 200rps to get us the short distance to the airport and no more (they'd obviously had problems with him before). But lo and behold, as we approached the airport he told us he needed 100rps for a toll road on top of the fair. I said no and was so exasperated that I told him to let us out there and then. He pulled over and Luke paid him but despite having a wallet full of cash, the driver somehow didn't have enough change.

Feeling annoyed, I just walked off and then turned round and said: "You are a liar. Goodbye India, goodbye liars!"

And those were my last words to an Indian in India.

It's a shame but things like this happened to us on a daily basis and I was more than ready to leave it behind. We met some amazing people and will never forget the generosity from the young man who gave up his bed the night we boarded a train without a ticket, but there were just too many cons and it was making me angry having to deal with it.

India, it was relentless. Sometimes good, sometimes bad, but always relentless.

USEFUL INFORMATION ABOUT PONDICHERRY:
Accommodation: We stayed at Full Moon Guest House which is around 5km away from the old town. It was 800rps (£8) a night and the cheapest we could find at the last minute. It was clean and quite homely but we got woken up at 5.30am every day by the call to prayer at a nearby mosque. I would advise booking ahead if you want to stay in the old town as it seems to get booked up. If you stay at Full Moon then you will need to hire a moped or risk spending a lot of money on tuk-tuks.
Eating and drinking: There are loads of samey restaurants in the old town selling multi-continental food at inflated prices. People seemed to be getting excited by all of the beef on the menu but as a vegetarian this didn't do anything for me! After much searching the best food we found was at Hotel Surguru, 104 Sardar Vallabhal Patel Road (0413) 23390222227290. They had really tasty Indian food at reasonable prices - the palak paneer dosa was particularly good.
Luke also said he had the best cup of coffee in India at the Indian Kaffe Express Cafe on Rue Dumas in the old town.
Getting there and away: We got the bus from Chennai bus station directly to Pondicherry which took 3 1/2 hours. On the way there it was an air conditioned bus and cost 150rps, while on the way back it was government bus with no a/c and cost 100rps. The tuk-tuk from Pondicherry bus station to Full Moon Guest House cost 250rps but it was after midnight.

Beach life: Gokarna & Palolem

Palolem beach makes you happy. Fact.

Although it's fun to go from one place to the next and always be on the move to somewhere new, sometimes it's nice to have a break and head to the beach. A holiday from travelling, if you like!

After sweltering in humid Fort Kochin, we decided to head to the beach town of Gokarna in Karnataka state. I think most people know that the state of Goa has some of the best beaches in India but Om Beach in Gokarna, which is really just a few miles up the road from Goa, is a popular place for backpackers to go to avoid to crowds of Goa. There are a few shacks to sleep in and a fair few restaurants but no resorts. Basically how Goa was 30, or more, years ago.

Om beach in Gokarna, India.

While there's no denying that Om Beach is unspoiled, we just didn't warm to it.

The first thing we didn't like was the sheer amount of people stalking up and down the beach selling jewellery. While I completely understand that everyone has got to make a living, the hawker-to-tourist ratio was completely off balance here which meant we were being approached every five or ten minutes - there are only so many ways you can say: "No thank you, I don't wear (crappy) jewellery," before getting annoyed.

A jewellery seller tried his luck, even while taking a break.

Then after hawkers along came the gawkers. Om Beach seemed to attract large groups of Indian men who unfortunately didn't seem to be able to stop their eyes from wandering over to the women in bikinis. They'd often stop to have a good old stare, then get their phone out to take a photo and then stare some more. It was especially intimidating if I was on the beach alone and a gang came past and lingered over me.

One afternoon, there was a gang of men in the water who all came running out when I walked past and asked me if they could take a photo of me. I politely said no as I have a policy to say no to groups of men, especially if I'm on my own. I then carried on walking and felt a thud on my back and realised they'd thrown wet sand at me. The red mist then descended. I whipped round and shouted: "Who did that?"

All I got in response were big, innocent eyes. So I carried on, finger wagging.

"You DO NOT do that - it's so rude. Stop acting like children!" And with that I stalked off down the beach.

In my opinion some Indian men need to spend more time with women and then they might realise that we're humans and not animals. At times their attitude is deplorable and downright disgusting. As it is, many of them get to hang around in all male gangs and they feed off each others immature views of women, especially western women.

Once you'd got over the hawkers and the gawkers, it was then time to contend with the groups of cows who indiscriminately wander over and trample over everything while you were sunbathing.

Luke shooing a cow away before it tramples on all of our stuff.

If all of that's not enough, then you had the westerners who were obviously "get away from it all, man" - which seemed to involve wearing homemade loin cloths and nothing else, growing a beard and taking copious amounts of drugs.

We called them Jesus Creepers and on the whole they seemed harmless, but one particular young lad seemed to be slowly losing it. He only looked at 20 years old and he was spending his days smoking weed and his nights apparently taking ketamine and the rest of his time having a chat to himself. Every day I woke up expecting to find out he'd been found dead on the beach, which thankfully didn't happen. Call me a granny but his whole situation made me nervous.

So, after four days in the flawed paradise of Gokarna, we decided to leave and head up to Palolem in Goa. We went there three years ago and knew we liked it.

On the train there we got chatting to a young Swedish girl who'd been on Om Beach (and loved it) and was heading up to Goa to meet some friends before heading back there for a few more weeks. She asked us where we were going and when we said Palolem she her nose turned up and she said: "Why? My friends went there a few years ago and they said it's really resorty and there's loads of people on holiday there so it's really expensive," saying resorty and holiday like they're swear words.

I hate this kind of attitude from backpackers - like holiday makers are evil. The only difference between backpackers and holiday makers is that people on holiday have lots of money but not much time and backpackers have lots of time but not much money. A lot of backpackers seem to think they're superior because they have the luxury of being able to leave their job and responsibilities.

So, in honour of the snotty Swedish girl who didn't understand why the hell we'd want to go to "resorty" Palolem with all of those people on their holidays, here's a photo blog to show why Palolem is pretty close to paradise.

This is home for the week:

You get a free beach dog with every sun lounger.

(Look very carefully.)

This is breakfast:

My mate Marmite.

They sell red wine. And it tastes nice.

I didn't stop after just the one...

You can go dolphin spotting on a kayak. We saw a whole pod.

And finally, the sunsets are completely captivating...

USEFUL INFORMATION ABOUT GOKARNA AND PALOLEM:

Accommodation: In Gokarna we stayed at Cafe Namaste for 800rps (£8) a night and it was by far the nicest place on the beach. You get cell-like rooms for as cheap as 200rps (£2).
In Palolem we stayed at Abel Cressida Coco Huts for 700rps (£7) a night which were really nice for the price.
Eating and drinking: In Gokarna we mainly ate at Cafe Namaste and the food was quite tasty.
In Palolem during the daytime we ate at Abel Cressida as this entitled us to use the loungers for free. The super breakfast of Marmite and proper tea was at Cozy Nook and the red wine came with lovely tapas that we got in a restaurant that's attached to Ciaran's. All of those places are along the beach front.

Fort Cochin: A feast for the eyes

Our journey to Fort Cochin wasn't exactly the smoothest experience. We got on an uncomfortable government bus at Kumily and the five-hour journey ended up being eight - six of which were without a toilet break. By the end I was about ready to have a breakdown.

When we finally arrived in Cochin, it was too late to get the ferry over to Fort Cochin (it's an island off the main city) so we had to get on another incredibly crowded bus and Luke's sunglasses were stolen. An epic fail all round really.

Thankfully the stressful journey turned out to be worth it - we loved pretty Indo-Portuguese Fort Cochin. It's best known for the huge Chinese fishing nets which line the shore and, although these are interesting, there's more to it than fishing nets.

Chinese fishing nets in Fort Cochin.

The roads were quite quiet (at least as quiet as they get in India) so we hired bicycles to get around and see the sights. Fort Cochin seems to be the place for honeymooning Indian couples go and get their "newlywed photoshoot" done which largely consist of them looking wistfully out to sea or strolling along the promenade hand in hand.

As we were cycling around, we bumped into a unnecessarily large entourage of around six people who were photographing and stage managing one couple. When they saw us on our bikes they asked if we'd mind being in it - thus the photo of us with the couple perched on our bikes which I think is fabulous. I also love the fact that in the original photo the new groom has got his head towards me and not his new wife - he had to be instructed to move closer to her!!

Happy newlyweds photo - the original...

...and after he was told "and now look like you're actually WITH your wife!"

Cycling in the heat was hard work but luckily Fort Cochin has lots of unique little European-style cafes where they serve proper tea and coffee. After eight weeks of bad tea, this was a big relief.

Luke enjoying a proper pot of tea in the teapot cafe in Fort Cochin.

Another thing I loved about this little town was the art scene.As a nation Indians are very artistic, but before Fort Cochin we hadn't come across anywhere with a "scene" as such. A lot of the cafes have local art work on the walls as well as exhibitions, but there's also just lots of interesting things to see as you wander down the streets - graffiti, posters, installations - art seems to be everywhere.

While in Fort Cochin, I also nearly made my own artistic debut in an Indian film. One evening Luke and I were strolling down the street when we were approached by a young man who asked if I wanted to be in a film they were making. I thought he was some kind of conman but he showed us a business hard and appeared to be legit so, after some arm twisting from him and Luke, I agreed to it.

The young man picked us up at 8.30am and took us to a studio where they'd set up a meth lab. Anyway the director, Ashiq Abu, came over to explain my role and it went a little bit like this:

"So, the villain, he's a psychopath and a crazy man and a drug dealer. When he likes to have a good time he goes out and finds a girl and he likes to slap her about a bit and he likes to strangle her. What you would need to do is look like you're friendly with him and then he'll pretend to hit and you then pretend to die. Does that all sound OK? Good."

And off he went. Speaking to young guy I also found out that the film, called Gangster, is a relatively big deal and stars Mammootty, a really popular Malayalam language actor in Kerala. I felt quite overwhelmed but relatively up for it  - you only live once and all that - and then they said the scene wasn't being shot until later that day and I could go off and they'd pick me up later. And that was their mistake - they gave me too much time to think about it.

The start of Gangster, Mammootty. I know, he's a hunk, right?

First of all, I started questioning why it had to be a Western woman that was "picked up" and killed - why not an Indian woman? Every time I've seen an Indian film, the Western women are always promiscuous while the Indian women are a bit flirty but generally virtuous, and that really annoys me. I also didn't like the idea of being slapped about by some middle aged man for kicks, I thought it could be awkward and a bit weird - and would they be putting me in something tarty and revealing? Probably.

But I'd promised I'd do it and I like to keep my promises. So we dutifully waited in our guest house until 2pm for my pick up. And then we got a call saying it would be 3pm. Then a bit later we got another call saying it would be more like 4.30pm. In the end the disorganisation of the film crew made my mind up for me - I'd waited around all day and I wasn't going to wait anymore, so I said thanks but no thanks. I felt so relieved once I'd turned them down that I knew I'd done the right thing.

Still, if anyone finds themselves in India in about four months time and goes to see a Malayalam movie called Gangster - look out for the Western girl in the meth lab scene and tell me how she does!

To top off our fabulous stay in Fort Cochin, we got a 4rps (so that's 4 pence) ferry over to Cochin in order to catch the train and saw two dolphins playing in the sea - dolphin spotting for 4p, I'll take that.

I'll leave you with some of the best images we got of artistic Fort Cochin...

USEFUL INFORMATION ABOUT FORT COCHIN:

Accommodation: We stayed at Rokoco Residency which is a relatively new and very cosy guest house run by  a French woman and her Indian husband. I would highly recommend this place. We paid 800rps a night.
Eating and drinking: Our favourite cafes were Teapot,on Peter Celli Street and Kashi Art Cafe in Burgher Street. If you find yourself in the Jewish Town then nearby Springr is also great - and they have a lot of live music at night. It's worth noting that alcohol is hard to come by in Fort Cochin, in fact we didn't drink anything in our whole time there.
Getting there and away: Don't do as we did and get a bus from Kumily that goes around the houses - ask at the bus station for a DIRECT one (then ask the driver and possibly all of the passengers and anyone who'll listen until you're satisfied that it's the truth!) and it should take approx five hours and cost approx 100rps.
We left Fort Kochin to go to Gokarna in Karnataka - there are direct night trains on a Sunday and Monday but not on other nights. Approx 400rps for sleeper class.