Cruising the Keralan backwaters

When people think of Kerala, I think they conjure up images of the lush green lakes and lagoons of the backwaters. And, after enjoying a day trip of the backwaters in Varkala, we decided to indulge in an overnight trip on a traditional thatched roofed ketteuvallam, or houseboat.

The well-trodden tourist route into the backwaters is from the town of Alleppey, which has been generously named the “Venice of the East”. I’ve never been to Venice but Luke has and he says that it’s like Venice in that “it has canals”. I suspect it’s in the same way that Nottingham’s a bit like Venice, as in, not very.

Our daily budget while in India is £35 between us, and 22-hour houseboat tours, on average, cost £65 (6,500 rps). We got our best bargaining faces on and managed to find somewhere that did one for £55 (5,500 rps). However, once we saw the boat we realised that it was significantly smaller and older than the other boats on the water. But I think that what it lacked in glamour, it made up for in character.

The crew/chefs/waiters/entertainment came in the form of The Captain and Dija who were a bit like the Chuckle Brothers of India. Me and Luke certainly seem to be drawn to these kind of people.

The Captain and Luke get closely acquainted.

The boat had a tiny little bedroom with adjacent shower cum toilet (as in you have to sit on the toilet in order to shower), a shaded viewing area complete with mismatched furniture, a sunny viewing area up top with plastic garden chairs and a rickety kitchen outback. All very Miami Vice, I'm sure you'll agree.

Come see my little boat.

The little bedroom in our little boat. The bed was about as comfortable as sleeping on a table.

There are 2000 houseboats in Alleppey - some with up to five bedrooms and plasma TVs, I even saw a towel swan on one bed. As they glided past at speed, we chugged along the river at a nice enough pace to be able to take in the sights.

Fishing boat on the backwaters. The chap at the back has embraced the umbrella hat.

The backwaters themselves are not the idyll I believe people hope them to be. Although there are tiny riverside huts with women out the front doing their washing and wooden fishing boats gliding along, there are also people on mobile phones and music blaring out – this is 21^st Century India after all. A lot of the "huts" are more like mini houses, with many being pristine and modern looking.

Smart little house on the Keralan backwaters.

My favourite part of the day was when we moored up for lunch and had a swim in the river to cool off. We were assured by The Captain that there are no crocodiles or snakes in there but when something bit my bum I made a swift exit! (I think it was just a little fish.)

Swimming in the backwaters - do so at your own peril.

After lunch, The Captain and Dija seemed to make it their aim/obsession to get Luke to do some fishing. Luke, who loves animals but is very obedient, obliged. Thankfully he's a crap fisherman and didn't catch anything. It made me love him a little bit more when he said afterwards: "I'm quite pleased. I'm not sure what I'd have done if I caught one - I don't think they'd have let me put it back."

Dija (left) and Luke (right) take a power nap after fishing.

Just before sunset we went through a narrower part of the backwaters and saw some of the more "iconic backwaters" sights of the day. There were little children cycling home from school on over-sized bicycles, people praying at tiny temples on the side of the river and families rowing up and down past our little houseboat. The larger, fancier houseboats are too big to fit though these smaller channels, which made us feel a bit smug.

A pretty view along the narrower part of the backwaters.

At night we moored up in a very unscenic area under a massive bridge which is just ½ kilometre outside of Alleppey. Lots of other boats were nearby and, as soon as they got an electricity source (plugged into the nearby houses) they turned on their MASSIVE televisions and blasted Bhangra music and Bollywood movies into our tranquility. Getting away from it all indeed.

When we went to bed, Dija and The Captain bedded down in the area directly outside our room (which was romantic) and I think Dija kept falling off his very narrow bed as about five times in the night we heard the loud thud and clatter of him falling onto the coffee table (again, really romantic!). I think he may have been a bit merry after doing a beer run for us earlier in the evening.

Overall I enjoyed the houseboat experience but I think I may have been disappointed if I’d had high expectations. India is progressing at such a massive rate that somewhere like the Keralan backwaters, which receives a huge number of visitors and therefore money, is never going to freeze in time.

Don't go to the backwaters expecting idyllic India and you won't be disappointed.

USEFUL INFORMATION ABOUT ALLEPPEY/ KERALA HOUSEBOAT TOURS:

Accommodation: In Alleppey we stayed at an unnamed guest house opposite Palmy Residency which was perfectly nice, if a little expensive for us at 900 rps (£9) per night.

Eating and drinking: The food on the houseboat was actually really tasty and generously portioned. It was quite spicy though, so say if you want it mild.

In Alleppey we ate at Thaff and Hotel Sisar, both on YMCA Road and both tasty and, more importantly after splashing out on the boat trip, cheap.

Getting there and away: From Varkala we got a second sitting on a sleeper train for (I think) 160 rps. It takes 2 ½ hours and the station is called Alappuzha, not Alleppey.

To get to Kumily (for Periyar) we got a bus from KSRTC Bus Station in Alleppey to Kottyam (1 ½ hours, 70rps) and then got straight onto another government bus to Kumily (4 ½ hours, 100rps). The road up to Kumily is scenic but quite hairy.

Houseboat: We booked through Venice Cast Away on KSRTC Road, purely because they gave us the best price. It was 5,500 rps (£55) for one day and night (11am to 9am the next day) and included vegetarian food, non-alcoholic drinks and air conditioning.