Beach life: Gokarna & Palolem

Palolem beach makes you happy. Fact.

Although it's fun to go from one place to the next and always be on the move to somewhere new, sometimes it's nice to have a break and head to the beach. A holiday from travelling, if you like!

After sweltering in humid Fort Kochin, we decided to head to the beach town of Gokarna in Karnataka state. I think most people know that the state of Goa has some of the best beaches in India but Om Beach in Gokarna, which is really just a few miles up the road from Goa, is a popular place for backpackers to go to avoid to crowds of Goa. There are a few shacks to sleep in and a fair few restaurants but no resorts. Basically how Goa was 30, or more, years ago.

Om beach in Gokarna, India.

While there's no denying that Om Beach is unspoiled, we just didn't warm to it.

The first thing we didn't like was the sheer amount of people stalking up and down the beach selling jewellery. While I completely understand that everyone has got to make a living, the hawker-to-tourist ratio was completely off balance here which meant we were being approached every five or ten minutes - there are only so many ways you can say: "No thank you, I don't wear (crappy) jewellery," before getting annoyed.

A jewellery seller tried his luck, even while taking a break.

Then after hawkers along came the gawkers. Om Beach seemed to attract large groups of Indian men who unfortunately didn't seem to be able to stop their eyes from wandering over to the women in bikinis. They'd often stop to have a good old stare, then get their phone out to take a photo and then stare some more. It was especially intimidating if I was on the beach alone and a gang came past and lingered over me.

One afternoon, there was a gang of men in the water who all came running out when I walked past and asked me if they could take a photo of me. I politely said no as I have a policy to say no to groups of men, especially if I'm on my own. I then carried on walking and felt a thud on my back and realised they'd thrown wet sand at me. The red mist then descended. I whipped round and shouted: "Who did that?"

All I got in response were big, innocent eyes. So I carried on, finger wagging.

"You DO NOT do that - it's so rude. Stop acting like children!" And with that I stalked off down the beach.

In my opinion some Indian men need to spend more time with women and then they might realise that we're humans and not animals. At times their attitude is deplorable and downright disgusting. As it is, many of them get to hang around in all male gangs and they feed off each others immature views of women, especially western women.

Once you'd got over the hawkers and the gawkers, it was then time to contend with the groups of cows who indiscriminately wander over and trample over everything while you were sunbathing.

Luke shooing a cow away before it tramples on all of our stuff.

If all of that's not enough, then you had the westerners who were obviously "get away from it all, man" - which seemed to involve wearing homemade loin cloths and nothing else, growing a beard and taking copious amounts of drugs.

We called them Jesus Creepers and on the whole they seemed harmless, but one particular young lad seemed to be slowly losing it. He only looked at 20 years old and he was spending his days smoking weed and his nights apparently taking ketamine and the rest of his time having a chat to himself. Every day I woke up expecting to find out he'd been found dead on the beach, which thankfully didn't happen. Call me a granny but his whole situation made me nervous.

So, after four days in the flawed paradise of Gokarna, we decided to leave and head up to Palolem in Goa. We went there three years ago and knew we liked it.

On the train there we got chatting to a young Swedish girl who'd been on Om Beach (and loved it) and was heading up to Goa to meet some friends before heading back there for a few more weeks. She asked us where we were going and when we said Palolem she her nose turned up and she said: "Why? My friends went there a few years ago and they said it's really resorty and there's loads of people on holiday there so it's really expensive," saying resorty and holiday like they're swear words.

I hate this kind of attitude from backpackers - like holiday makers are evil. The only difference between backpackers and holiday makers is that people on holiday have lots of money but not much time and backpackers have lots of time but not much money. A lot of backpackers seem to think they're superior because they have the luxury of being able to leave their job and responsibilities.

So, in honour of the snotty Swedish girl who didn't understand why the hell we'd want to go to "resorty" Palolem with all of those people on their holidays, here's a photo blog to show why Palolem is pretty close to paradise.

This is home for the week:

You get a free beach dog with every sun lounger.

(Look very carefully.)

This is breakfast:

My mate Marmite.

They sell red wine. And it tastes nice.

I didn't stop after just the one...

You can go dolphin spotting on a kayak. We saw a whole pod.

And finally, the sunsets are completely captivating...

USEFUL INFORMATION ABOUT GOKARNA AND PALOLEM:

Accommodation: In Gokarna we stayed at Cafe Namaste for 800rps (£8) a night and it was by far the nicest place on the beach. You get cell-like rooms for as cheap as 200rps (£2).
In Palolem we stayed at Abel Cressida Coco Huts for 700rps (£7) a night which were really nice for the price.
Eating and drinking: In Gokarna we mainly ate at Cafe Namaste and the food was quite tasty.
In Palolem during the daytime we ate at Abel Cressida as this entitled us to use the loungers for free. The super breakfast of Marmite and proper tea was at Cozy Nook and the red wine came with lovely tapas that we got in a restaurant that's attached to Ciaran's. All of those places are along the beach front.

Cruising the Keralan backwaters

When people think of Kerala, I think they conjure up images of the lush green lakes and lagoons of the backwaters. And, after enjoying a day trip of the backwaters in Varkala, we decided to indulge in an overnight trip on a traditional thatched roofed ketteuvallam, or houseboat.

The well-trodden tourist route into the backwaters is from the town of Alleppey, which has been generously named the “Venice of the East”. I’ve never been to Venice but Luke has and he says that it’s like Venice in that “it has canals”. I suspect it’s in the same way that Nottingham’s a bit like Venice, as in, not very.

Our daily budget while in India is £35 between us, and 22-hour houseboat tours, on average, cost £65 (6,500 rps). We got our best bargaining faces on and managed to find somewhere that did one for £55 (5,500 rps). However, once we saw the boat we realised that it was significantly smaller and older than the other boats on the water. But I think that what it lacked in glamour, it made up for in character.

The crew/chefs/waiters/entertainment came in the form of The Captain and Dija who were a bit like the Chuckle Brothers of India. Me and Luke certainly seem to be drawn to these kind of people.

The Captain and Luke get closely acquainted.

The boat had a tiny little bedroom with adjacent shower cum toilet (as in you have to sit on the toilet in order to shower), a shaded viewing area complete with mismatched furniture, a sunny viewing area up top with plastic garden chairs and a rickety kitchen outback. All very Miami Vice, I'm sure you'll agree.

Come see my little boat.

The little bedroom in our little boat. The bed was about as comfortable as sleeping on a table.

There are 2000 houseboats in Alleppey - some with up to five bedrooms and plasma TVs, I even saw a towel swan on one bed. As they glided past at speed, we chugged along the river at a nice enough pace to be able to take in the sights.

Fishing boat on the backwaters. The chap at the back has embraced the umbrella hat.

The backwaters themselves are not the idyll I believe people hope them to be. Although there are tiny riverside huts with women out the front doing their washing and wooden fishing boats gliding along, there are also people on mobile phones and music blaring out – this is 21^st Century India after all. A lot of the "huts" are more like mini houses, with many being pristine and modern looking.

Smart little house on the Keralan backwaters.

My favourite part of the day was when we moored up for lunch and had a swim in the river to cool off. We were assured by The Captain that there are no crocodiles or snakes in there but when something bit my bum I made a swift exit! (I think it was just a little fish.)

Swimming in the backwaters - do so at your own peril.

After lunch, The Captain and Dija seemed to make it their aim/obsession to get Luke to do some fishing. Luke, who loves animals but is very obedient, obliged. Thankfully he's a crap fisherman and didn't catch anything. It made me love him a little bit more when he said afterwards: "I'm quite pleased. I'm not sure what I'd have done if I caught one - I don't think they'd have let me put it back."

Dija (left) and Luke (right) take a power nap after fishing.

Just before sunset we went through a narrower part of the backwaters and saw some of the more "iconic backwaters" sights of the day. There were little children cycling home from school on over-sized bicycles, people praying at tiny temples on the side of the river and families rowing up and down past our little houseboat. The larger, fancier houseboats are too big to fit though these smaller channels, which made us feel a bit smug.

A pretty view along the narrower part of the backwaters.

At night we moored up in a very unscenic area under a massive bridge which is just ½ kilometre outside of Alleppey. Lots of other boats were nearby and, as soon as they got an electricity source (plugged into the nearby houses) they turned on their MASSIVE televisions and blasted Bhangra music and Bollywood movies into our tranquility. Getting away from it all indeed.

When we went to bed, Dija and The Captain bedded down in the area directly outside our room (which was romantic) and I think Dija kept falling off his very narrow bed as about five times in the night we heard the loud thud and clatter of him falling onto the coffee table (again, really romantic!). I think he may have been a bit merry after doing a beer run for us earlier in the evening.

Overall I enjoyed the houseboat experience but I think I may have been disappointed if I’d had high expectations. India is progressing at such a massive rate that somewhere like the Keralan backwaters, which receives a huge number of visitors and therefore money, is never going to freeze in time.

Don't go to the backwaters expecting idyllic India and you won't be disappointed.

USEFUL INFORMATION ABOUT ALLEPPEY/ KERALA HOUSEBOAT TOURS:

Accommodation: In Alleppey we stayed at an unnamed guest house opposite Palmy Residency which was perfectly nice, if a little expensive for us at 900 rps (£9) per night.

Eating and drinking: The food on the houseboat was actually really tasty and generously portioned. It was quite spicy though, so say if you want it mild.

In Alleppey we ate at Thaff and Hotel Sisar, both on YMCA Road and both tasty and, more importantly after splashing out on the boat trip, cheap.

Getting there and away: From Varkala we got a second sitting on a sleeper train for (I think) 160 rps. It takes 2 ½ hours and the station is called Alappuzha, not Alleppey.

To get to Kumily (for Periyar) we got a bus from KSRTC Bus Station in Alleppey to Kottyam (1 ½ hours, 70rps) and then got straight onto another government bus to Kumily (4 ½ hours, 100rps). The road up to Kumily is scenic but quite hairy.

Houseboat: We booked through Venice Cast Away on KSRTC Road, purely because they gave us the best price. It was 5,500 rps (£55) for one day and night (11am to 9am the next day) and included vegetarian food, non-alcoholic drinks and air conditioning.

A Hampi Christmas

A typical Christmas day scene in Hampi.

For some reason I always had it in mind that we'd spend Christmas in Hampi and I'm glad we made that decision. While everyone else in India was hot-footing it to party in Goa, we managed to have a chilled festive season in Hampi with a bunch of Indians and Israelis - none of whom could give two hoots about the birth of Christ (although, truthfully, do many people in the UK care about the birth of Christ anymore?).

So, Christmas day involved getting up and hopping on our moped for a swim in the nearby Sanapur Reservoir. Which all sounds very idyllic until you see this sign not 10ft away from said reservoir...

After chatting to a few locals who said: "No, no crocodiles in lake!" but with a bit of a knowing grin on their faces, we decided to go in up to about our knees, with a plan to run if there was any sign of a croc. Not so relaxing after all.

We then had a traditional Christmas breakfast of muesli and fruit at our favourite Hampi cafe restaurant,  Laughing Buddha, and spent the rest of the morning reading while appreciating the amazing view.

The view from Laughing Buddha in Hampi.

For lunch it was a traditional Christmas veg biryani and in the evening we had a few Kingfishers and a salad. So it's easy to say it wasn't the most Christmassy Christmas we've ever had but it made a very refreshing change to the sometimes fraught season in the western world. Some people may
 be shocked (and even disgusted) to hear that we didn't even bother getting each other presents.

Without knowing it, choosing to stay in Hampi turned out to be a stroke of genius on our part. It was actually quieter than usual (people seem to gravitate to the coast at this time of year) so there were bargains to be had with accommodation and the food and drink prices were normal.

Hampi is a beautiful place and the best way to see it is on a moped (or a bicycle if you aren't as lazy as us). The landscape is how you imagine Bedrock in The Flintstones if it came to life, with massive boulders all balancing on top of each other and a pretty river running through a valley. This is all then topped off by amazing ruins at every turn from when Hampi was known as Vijayanagara, the former capital of the Vijayanagara Empire. We actually spent hours just taking in the scenery from the moped while driving through the paddy fields.

On Christmas day we watched the sunset from the Hanuman Temple, better known as the Monkey Temple, and encountered some of the naughtiest monkeys of our trip so far. We honestly saw one run up to a couple sitting on the edge of the cliff and try to steal a water bottle out of the man's hands. When he tugged it back the monkey pushed him (presumably hoping he'd drop off the cliff altogether), then bit him and grabbed the water bottle before unscrewing the cap (yes, a monkey UNSCREWED a cap) and started drinking out of  the bottle like a human. And here's the photo to prove it.

The monkey taking a refreshing break after trying to push this man of a cliff. No joke.

We also witnessed a monkey thief who ran up to a woman, grabbed her handbag and then bounded up the side of the temple and proceeded to pick through the contents, tearing open the bag with its teeth, before trying to eat everything from a plastic necklace to her mobile phone. Shocking, right?

Naughty handbag thief monkey examines his loot.

If you ever go to Hampi then beware of the red-faced monkeys, it seems to be where all of the convict monkeys are sent.

We also encountered a shoe thief, although I don't think they were stolen by a monkey. On Christmas day Luke left his new Converse, and more to the point comfortable, flip flops outside a restaurant (as is common practice in India) and when we came out all that was left was a scruffy, clumpy pair of "no name" flip flops conveniently in his size. A large group of Indian "lads on tour" had left just a few minutes before and I was ready to spend the evening hunting them down but Luke, being Luke, was much calmer about the whole thing.

Overall we really loved Hampi, especially because we got to ride a moped (150rps per day plus 100rps per litre for petrol) and didn't need to rely on tuk-tuk drivers who, we are beginning to realise, add extra stress to every day!

I got so excited about the moped that I did the peace sign.

To get from one side of the river to the other we had to go on a tiny boat designed for about eight people, but they carried six mopeds and about 30 people. We were told there used to be a bridge but three years ago it collapsed killing ten people - it's safe to say that health and safety isn't India's strong point.

Mopeds queuing to get on a tiny, wooden boat in Hampi.

Because Hampi is a touristy place where Indians visit, we got asked to be in a lot of photos with people - they seem to love having photos with westerners, a bit like we're aliens! In the spirit of things, we've started to ask to have our own in return - the results are quite funny.

USEFUL INFORMATION ABOUT HAMPI

Accommodation: We stayed at Murali's Guest House on the other side of the river in Virupapur Gadde. Although this isn't near all of the main ruins, it's a lot more relaxed (you can easily get a beer) and there are lots of lovely cycle rides through the paddy fields. I think it's more suited for backpackers. We paid 800rps (8GBP) per night but actually I think you can get a nicer place cheaper. We looked at one almost immediately to the right when you get off the boat (called Teja Guest House) which had lovely huts for 500rps a night and not so lovely cell-like rooms for 250rps.
Food and drink: On the Virupapur Gadde side we loved Laughing Buddha for the amazing views and chilled vibe.
Getting there and away: From Hyderabad we got a night train to Hospet and then took a tuk-tuk the 14kms to Hampi Bazaar (approx 150rps in the daytime and 250rps at night), we then got the boat over to the other side for 10rps - but note it starts at 6am and stops at 6pm at night. If you want to get your moped over the river then you need to get the boat at Anagunde village (the bike is an extra 10rps).
To get away from Hampi we got a tuk-tuk to Hospet and then a private sleeper bus to Bangalore through SRS Travel which was approx 550rps each.